Although it should be obvious and the image of a mother should be put on a pedestal, it hasn’t always been that for me. We are in fact products of our environments and this being said we hold on to our beliefs with blind faith. To take away beliefs is to admit wrong or worse as it unveils your choices on the path of your life.
I was taught to objectify women in a world where they worked for my dad. My brothers and I seen the image of a woman as a beautiful picture dancing on a stage. Choreographed just for us with an angelic silhouette only to be pillaged at the end of the song.
Surprisingly we were not alone in these thoughts.
This image of how a man should act towards women was not shunned but in fact praised. Through my teen years this idea was vindicated by mass amounts of friends that followed in a conquest of conquering virgins and the more I achieved the more I heard “your just like your father”. To a son these words are like the gold medal in the Olympics, an achievement of such grandeur that blind faith begins with.
To add to the encouragement where cartoons and kid shows that in them selves taught that these actions where normal. My father would come home and bellow the word “woman” just like Fred Flintstone and in that caveman way of thinking, she better have had her womanly duties ready. Even the Beaver’s mom was portrayed as a frantic woman that only had one side to her and although I never experienced that type of motherhood, I was taught that image.
The Damsel in distress.
Throughout my life and even more into my adult years these same thoughts where once again justified by the chatter of mom’s. These women would talk in front of us and tell stories of how it’s all their dads fault. Recanting on the violence and torture they where put through and how they only escaped with their children. I can’t say for sure but as a kid it felt like I was the only one with a dad instead of a mom. I’d watch my friends torn by thoughts of their relations to monsters and the paradox of their mothers attraction to my father.
This followed into my relationship with my children’s mother and over the ten years and four kids I somehow became her monster. Only to be judged by a group of her peers and branded as the many men before me. A justified reason to leave letters on our pillows saying goodbye, with one final message ” I hope you understand how I feel”.
A Generation of dads.
It is amazing how the world changes through out your life. The crossing of generations and the seeding of idea’s. My children know more families now being raised by dads than I ever did as a child. In ways I see positives in this as more father figures are being cast in stone and at the same time the family unit itself has changed so drastically from my childhood that there is no normal anymore. The same stories I heard as a kid have morphed into men telling the same reasoning I heard the last generation of women tell tale of.
As a single dad dating, your first date always brings up “What went wrong”, it’s daunting. A continuous reflection of childhood stories mixed with a new adult implications. The constant approval that your not that monster not only to the women I’ve dated but also to myself.
My minds manifestation.
At this point your reading and wondering where this is going. I cast no blame on my life or my choices but the longer I’ve been a dad, the more I’ve realized I wasn’t taught to be one. The lack of these teachings has also stunted my ability to be a partner. This isn’t only my problem but a world wide problem and the raising of a daughter and future mother has changed my perspective on woman.
I can’t say I will ever understand the stay at home mom but I have a deep respect for the last generation of single moms. Being a single parent is hard, you are alone responsible for the outcome of a future, which society itself complicates. Sometimes you feel helpless to the tears of your child, grasping for answers that you yourself don’t completely understand. Your a protector and yet as strong as you can become thoughts and ideas are planted by the person that insists your a monster.
Why moms are important.
As a man this thought would have never occurred but as a dad I ask for your help.
I wasn’t taught to be a dad or husband, as most men in society today. We hear advertisements like “back to school prices for mom” that reassure the out of date place as taught in the family unit. Relationships and the art of communication have been lost in a generational quest to create equality. Baby boomers where taught different than I was and the next taught even more diverse ideas. Yet as adults we all sit in the same room casting judgement and arguing on the faults. With each grouping of man holding onto the previous beliefs and now women planning on the single parent life before it even begins, or worse holding on to the monster card which is socially acceptable.
We need to reinvent the concept of man and in this need your help.
Women have completely changed every aspect of their positioning in life but the scales have not been tipped. There are still issues of equality in government and in any status of power like religion or politics. Yet our future is still in your hands as there are more single moms and stay at home moms than dads. It’s never too late to learn but childhood sets the patterns for the rest of our lives. This power is long term and may seem trivial but holds more sway than the egotistical cavemen that try to hold on to the old ways.
With your help and understanding that the quest for equality has never included teaching boys to be fathers, moms become the answer to future heart breaks.
I understand that most men will not comprehend this as it’s taken me forty years to grasp and my campaign “Think like a dad,not like a man” has received more mother support than fathers.
We still have groups of men that desecrate the sanctity of motherhood not only in person but with online groups holding onto the archaic man. Our boys will grow up and have to face these true monsters as men and our daughters as wives and mothers. This can not continue in a cycle of overlapping generations.
The word mother.
I have never experienced what I am asking but I have seen it.
I know this is possible as moms are goddesses among men. You create life in a way that gives so much of you. As a man I will never truly understand this but as a single dad I can encompass the force you wield.
A mom is more than a woman, and holds the power of this worlds future!